Cats make great pets! *shifty eyes*

So I was sorting out our filing cabinet stuff yesterday (yes, after we moved it all here) and found the note that came with our two darling felines.  I read it to Nev.  He laughed.  A lot.  Then suggested I go through and bold all of the FILTHY LIES it contains.  So here goes…

Hi there,
I am your new Ragdoll kitten.  If you feed me and if you look after me like my mum and dad have, I will give you lots of enjoyable moments. 
I like to eat cooked fish, minced meat, raw meat (not cut too small, I need something to chew on), cooked chicken and now and again chopped up potatoes and pumpkin placed on top of my tinned food.  I need only water.
I also like Chef tinned kitten food and Iam's kitten biscuits.  I could be started on Chef adult food but must only be given a little at a time mixed in with my kitten food, too much at once could give me the runs and we don't want that, do we?
Please also make sure that you leave the toilet seat lid down as I might like a swim and I am not a good swimmer.  Also, I would like you to make sure all stove elements are off when not in use or unattended as I could burn myself badly.
As I am a very clean kitten and well toilet trained I would like it if I could please have 2 litter trays at my disposal.
I come to you in the best of health.  My mum and dad guarantee this.  I have had my 2 injections, have been desexed, wormed and defleaed, but will still need further worming and deflating during the year.
Should you feel that at any time you can no longer love or care for me, would you please ring my mum and dad.  They will gladly take me back and find me another loving home to go to.  My mum and dad will refund you the full purchase price or replace me with another kitten should you find me to be defective in any way which is found to be not of your doing.  This is for a period of 6 months from possession day.  
P.S.  If you value your furniture it would be a good idea to buy me a scratcher.

There is an ongoing debate as to whether "I will give you lots of enjoyable moments" is a filthy lie or not. 

And to be fair, Zari will at least eat raw meat and cooked chicken quite happily.  But damn did she ever pretend like she had never eaten Chef kitten food - and how dare we insult her by dishing it up when we brought her home.  And vegetables?  HA!  Though she did grow out of making a mess of herself whenever she went to the toilet.  Basil did not…

Finally, Nev would also like to know if 6 years is too late to return Basil.  His brain is clearly defective.

Selling a House is Not Fun

I bet you thought it was.  It really isn't.

It's taken over our entire lives.  All I think about is keeping the house tidy and how very very annoying daily  pregnancy-induced heartburn is.  I've learned some things so far, so thought I'd share...

Our house is super dusty, and as a result the shiny black glass entertainment unit was not a smart purchase.  Also, anti-dust surface cleaners are just spray bottles full of lies.  Dusty dusty lies.

Cats are horrible animals and will do anything they can to mess up your pristine house.  They were also not a smart purchase.  Special Cat managed to get his very own photo on our house listing, while Zari vomited all over the cat room floor the very morning the photographer was coming to take said photos.  I swear they're leaving cat hair clumps all over the place just to annoy me - usually within an hour of me vacuuming.  The cats now spend their nights locked in the bathroom so any further furball incidents are easily cleaned up.

Toddlers love gardening.  And by gardening I mean throwing bark around the courtyard, eating dirt, putting the weeds back into the garden and trying to destroy the actual plants.  Oh, they also enjoy digging paving sand (that you just spent hours re-doing) out from between the pavers.

Inside the house, toddlers continue to be great helpers.  Cupboards and bookshelves are emptied daily, just to make sure there's no dust lurking anywhere.  Alex seems to have some kind of sixth sense about when I've just polished the front of the dishwasher too - she'll zoom straight over there and check for handprints all over the front.  I always seem to miss them!  Similarly, she'll check the edges of our (glass) desktops for tiny finger prints..

Cats are (despite appearances) quite smart, so they get a second paragraph.  When there's an open home or viewing we have to hunt down the cats (who now realise exactly what is going on and have become very good at slithering out of our grip - even Basil!  ...Though he probably oozes more than slithers) and bundle them into the carrier.  Then we pack up the litter trays and various cat beds so as to not appear entirely crazy-cat-people to potential buyers, thus ending up with a car load of excess cat and baby clutter, valuables, two Very Sad Cats and a usually pretty cheerful baby.  

So there you go.  Just in case you have pets and a toddler and are thinking about selling your house, my recommendation is not to.  Cleaning and tidying gets undone almost as quickly as you do it.  And then once you've spent hours cleaning and re-cleaning the place for a 20 minute viewing, the buyer decides that since there's no second bathroom downstairs the house just isn't right for them.  How many 1970s townhouses have two bathrooms???  

*cough*

Anyway.  Tenders closed today and I was hopeful that someone had decided they loved the place so much we'd get some kind of crazy awesome offer.  We did not, so off to PBN we go...

Perhaps I could take away a silver lining here?  By the time we do sell I'll be so very used to keeping the house spotless that I'll just carry on being an awesome domestic goddess even after Baby 2.0 arrives.  

Wait. What?

Do you ever get the impression that your family thinks you're a crazy cat lady?

I was clearing out the bookcases today (getting rid of old magazines etc.) and scattered among the "real" books I managed to find eight different funny cat books.  None of which I purchased myself.  Hmmmm.

What do you do when you see a bird on the deck?

In Zari's case you catch it, bring it inside, meow a lot, demand praise then wander back out onto the deck - leaving it in the middle of the lounge for me to clean up.  

Mmmm terrible cell phone photo.

In Basil's case you spot it while still inside, chatter you teeth madly (first time we'd ever heard him do this - hilarious) then race out on the deck at full speed, screech to a halt under the railing where the bird is perched and... well... sit.  Perhaps pace back and forward a bit, or reach up to it (he could've tapped its toes if he'd tried), or get distracted by other birds flying past.  But definitely don't try and actually catch it.  

After about 10 minutes (I kid you not) Zari joined him on the deck, although this time she seemed to be about as clueless as he was...

Birdbirdbirdbird!

Huh?  What are you doing here?

Go away, I saw it first!

Aw.

Wikipedia says:

Cats use two hunting strategies, either stalking prey actively, or waiting in ambush until an animal comes close enough to be captured. Although it is not certain, the type of strategy used may depend on the prey species in the area, with for example, cats waiting in ambush outside burrows, but tending to actively stalk birds.

It truly was the most pathetic display of cat hunting we had ever seen.  Did he get mixed up, thinking he was meant to ambush birds and actively stalk burrows?  He'd never got this close to a bird before.  Did his brain overload and shut down?  Was he trying to figure out a way to get on the railing without it noticing (after he'd run at it across the deck oh so subtly)?  Or is that giving him too much credit?

A Santa Sack for Alex

Next time I have the genius idea of appliquéing something, shoot me.  

I'm not really happy with it - I managed to miscalculate where the middle was so her name's too low down, and I probably should've just chosen stars as they were the easiest to sew!  But, alas, I'm lazy and can't be bothered doing it again.  I will instead be counting on the fact that Alex will be too busy ripping open her presents to critique my sewing skills.  Though if she's anything like me, mocking should ensue as soon as she's old enough to know how (to mock, not sew).

Click for bigger (if you dare)

My favourite

Don't click to make bigger on this one, there's some wonky sewing on the A.  I think the holly berries look OK though..?

Stuffed full of presents on Christmas morning

On a semi-related note, play pens around the tree are a great idea as the tree cannot be pulled over.  Unfortunately toddlers have long skinny arms and can still reach the branches and pull things off - so the tree only has lights and the star on it.  Also, evil girl-cats can fit through the bars, climb over the presents and sit in the middle of the tree chewing the branches - all with a smug expression on their evil girl-cat faces because there's nothing you can do to reach them.

Mysterious Adventures of Special Cat

The cats were outside in the courtyard this morning while the builders were busy working on the deck.  The builders each have a large dog - dobe cross and a ridgeback cross.  Both are lovely dogs and just hang out in the car port, occasionally wandering down to see what the builders are up to.  Zari is a bit wary of them, so was busy being brave outside then being a chicken and coming back inside.  Basil was very brave.  Or oblivious.  Probably oblivious.  Either way, he wasn't fussed.  So not fussed in fact that he jumped* the fence and went walkies.  He usually comes back pretty quickly, so I wasn't too concerned.

Midday rolled around, still no Basil.

It got to 2pm and Zari started getting antsy.  I assumed all the building and dog activity had stopped him from coming home, but he'd reappear after they left for the day.

5pm, the builders were gone and I started to worry that the numpty would get himself squashed in rush hour traffic.  Zari continued pacing.

Dinner time came and went (7pm, or 6:00 ...or 5:30 depending on when Basil decides he's staaaarrving and commences nagging).  Still no Basil.  I went outside and very loudly opened a tin of tuna, very loudly dished it up into his food bowl - not forgetting to loudly scrape out every last drop of sauce from the tin.  Zari chowed down.  

We left the food out there, hoping the smell of tuna would waft down the street and entice him home.  Instead we enticed a blackbird.  I did not know blackbirds liked tuna.

That's a bit of tuna on the ground in front of her.

At 7:45 I decided to go for a walk before it got dark and see if he was hiding somewhere down the road.  Nev assures me cats don't get lost, but I wouldn't have put it past Basil.  I was half way down the hill when I got a text saying he'd arrived home.  

The smell hit me as soon as I entered the room.  God it was awful.  So very foul.  He was still puffing 5 minutes after arriving home (haha fatty) and his paw pads were a bit raw looking.  Otherwise no obvious sore points, but I couldn't stand being near him for too long...!  

Do you know what happens to cats that smell like a swamp? 

Now he smells like porridge.  

Whatever he got up to today on his smelly swamp adventure, he's too busy recovering to nag for dinner.  Zari's just glad she doesn't smell like porridge too.




*  Awkwardly climbed/scrambled/heaved his way over

Rats, Cats and Toddlers

When I had pet rats this list of Rat Property Laws always amused me:

1. If I like it, it's mine. 
2. If I've peed on it, it's mine. 
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 
5. If you've got something larger, it's mine. 
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 
7. If it's in my reach, it's mine. 
8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 
10. If it's broken or it tastes bad, it's yours. 

I was also amused by the fact it had been adapted from a list of toddler/kid property laws and can now appreciate that aspect just a wee bit more.

As I watched Miss Alex destroy a box of tissues last week, it occurred to me that I'd witnessed this before...

Rathenn

Zari

Alex

It is also a well known fact that rats like to gnaw on things.  Teething babies like to gnaw on things.  It hadn't occurred to me that cats also like to gnaw on things until tonight, when I watched Special Cat himself munch on a teething rusk that Alex had thrown across the kitchen (she didn't want it dammit!).

Mazik

Alex

Basil

...Yep.

So there you have it.  Even if you discount the fact that they will all happily play with cat toys too, Rats, Cats and Toddlers are more alike than you'd think.

Adventures of Special Cat

Yesterday Mel came to visit with her gorgeous wee boy Ollie.  Unlike Alex (who is five days his senior) Ollie is a master crawler, so I thought it would be a good idea to put the baby gate up in the doorway to the room containing the cat litter trays.  It worked a treat - Alex happily sat in the lounge and watched Ollie crawl up the hallway and back again.

I left the gate up after they left, partly because Alex might all of a sudden get the urge to crawl into the spare room, partly because the cats may as well get used to it being there and partly because I'm lazy.  Mostly because I'm lazy.

Later in the afternoon I found Basil sitting in the hallway looking a bit sad.  So I picked him up and dropped him on the other side of the gate.  He seemed happy and went to sit on the windowsill so I carried on with what I had been doing.  When I came back 10 minutes later he was lying down against the baby gate again, but this time he was still in the spare room.  O...kay.  I picked him up and deposited him back in the hallway.

As I was getting ready for bed I found Basil lying on the spare room side of the baby gate again, so I threw a toy mouse past the door to see what he'd do.  Extreme front leg extension through the gate, but no hopping over it.  I fed Zari some of her new dental bikkies.  Basil got all excited, and his hunger greed eventually got the better of him and he hopped over.  

I went to bed last night, marvelling at the cat who could apparently scale a 6' tall fence to escape the courtyard or climb onto the roof of our house but couldn't manage a 60cm high wooden door barrier.  Little did I know he'd get a whole pile stupider this morning...

Alex and I were on the floor in the middle of the lounge while I changed her nappy when a brush-tailed Basil zoomed past.  Mrraaoooowwwww he howled, as he sped around the coffee table and bolted to the other end of the lounge.  This amused Alex.  He cornered, mrrraaaoooowwwed and took off for another lap.  Tail up, ears back, impressively nimble for one who "carries his weight well".   After completing his two laps of the lounge he zoomed past us again and headed down the hallway.  I thought he just had a case of the zoomies and carried on changing Alex.  

Then it hit me.  I could smell poo.  Cat poo.  So much stinkier than baby poo.   Oh good lord.  I held my breath and raced into the spare room to open the window and spied a cat-splat in the litter tray.  Upon returning to the lounge for some fresh (ish) air, I spotted some cat poo on my purse.  And some on the carpet next to it.  And some on the carpet by the coffee table.  Tiny potent gloopy stink bombs dotted around the lounge along the path Basil had just taken.  Wut.

I'll spare you the details of the cleanup process, but I have now concluded that Basil's thought process went something like this:  Ohmygod, my belly is rumbling!!!  Rumbling lots! I need to poo!!!  Ohgodohgodohgodohgod!!!!  There's something blocking the doorway to the litter trays!!  But I need to poo!!!  I can't get in!! Ohgodohgodohgod!!  Arrghhh!! *puff puff*  Arrrgghhhh!!!!

I have *the* most special cat.  And a shitty purse.

Blog? What's that?

You may have noticed a lack of blog posts here lately.  I'm going to go ahead and blame the tiny human in our lives for that - what with her teething and growth spurting and teething and not sleeping and teething I haven't really had any free time without a still tooth-less grizzle monster nearby demanding cuddles.

So, what else has happened in that time?  I'm three, nearly four weeks behind on my photo challenge.  Nev has had one whole day off work. The cats went to the vet for the annual check up - Basil has gained 500g this year and Zari's teeth are shocking so now I get to try and brush them(!).  Nev's Gran turned 90 so we went north to attend the party and Alex was cuddled by many old ladies.  We haven't had curtains in the living area since Monday as the curtain rails had to come down so our new windows could be installed.  Alex has started throwing herself forward onto her stomach (from sitting) quite often and it almost looks like she might be trying to finally figure out this crawling business.  But not before she yells into the carpet a lot.

And finally, I've perfected the art of making a Brownie in a Mug.  Because I feel so guilty about neglecting my blog I'm going to share the recipe with my dear readers - all 11 of you (including my Mum).  

Ingredients:

4 tbsp flour

4 tbsp sugar

2 tbsp cocoa

2 tbsp vegetable oil (not an oil with a strong flavour, which I don't have so I just melts me some butter instead...!)

2 tbsp water

Dash of salt

Instructions:

Put dry ingredients in a mug and mix.  Add oil and water and mix well - it's easy to miss mixing the dry ingredients right at the bottom of the mug.  Lick spoon.  Contemplate eating mixture as-is.  Nuke for about 1 minute (1:20 in my 1150W microwave).  Brownie should still be gooey in the centre when done.

Weekly Photography Challenge - Week 22: Brown

Basil is large, and brown.  I took a photo of him for the week we did "Large" so it is only fair I took a photo of him for "Brown" as well.  

Brown Mouse is Doomed, originally uploaded by rattyree.

Of course, he didn't just sit there and stare at mousey...

Zari was feeling a bit left out, so I went over to her and jiggled mousey around for her to chase.  

Unfortunately Basil of Doom in the background there ran her over in an effort to get to the mouse first.  Zari went and sulked under my desk.    

Cats vs Baby

When baby Alex first came home, this was Basil's reaction:

I don't think he quite approved of this small, pink, wriggly, unpredictable creature.  He definitely did not approve of the fact that she made noise.  

Unless I was feeding her and he had a jealous..

I want scritches!

...Basil continued to give her a very wide berth.  

Kitty!!

Aw.  :(

In the last few weeks, Alex has decided that the kitties are the BEST. THINGS. EVER!!  She perks up whenever one walks past, and will often squeal or laugh at Zari.  If they come remotely close she'll lean as far as she can in an effort to touch them, then look really sad when she can't reach.  

Until today, that is.  I was lying on the floor taking pics of Alex when Basil came over and flopped down between us.  Alex nearly fell over in excitement!  A kitty!  So close!  

Kitty!!

I touched his nose!

It seems that Basil may have come around to the idea of the tiny human staying with us.  Zari on the other hand, continues to keep her distance.  

Fool, what are you doing??

Don't worry Alex, one day the pretty kitty will let you pat her!  Maybe the possibility of patting Zari is the motivation she'll need to get mobile..

Weekly Photography Challenge - Week 9: Large

I pondered doing something about the quake, but couldn't think of anything neat. So of course I took a photo of Basil. He's pretty large.  And also on the roof for this shot.

Large Cat is Large, originally uploaded by rattyree.

Guard Cats

Those of you who know my Basil know that he's..uh...special.  He usually looks something like this:

He may be special but he's not small.  Weighing in at 7.5kg, he "carries the weight well" according to our lovely polite vet.

Zari on the other hand is your typical girl cat.  The boss of Basil and the humans, enjoys pats when it suits her (but likes knowing she can get them anytime she wants) and acts like she meant to fall off the cat fort thankyouverymuch.  She's no lightweight either at 5.5kg.

Big fluffy Ragdoll cats need to live indoors because they are so precious placid and friendly that they don't tend to fight back when confronted with another cat or dog.  How overjoyed we were when we bought a house with a courtyard surrounded by a 6' tall fence!  Kitties could roam free out front and chase all the moths and snails they liked.  Basil soon discovered he could climb fences and subsequently got his ass whooped by a ginger cat not long after we moved here.  He lost a lot of fur and a bit of pride but was otherwise OK.  I lost the ability to leave them outside unsupervised.

All was going swimmingly until the neighbourhood bully - or Black and White Kitty - invaded their territory.

BWK had been taunting our darlings for months.  Rolling about on the footpath just out of swipey reach by the front gate or playing in the car port where they couldn't reach him.  One day Basil was fence climbing and found himself with gravity on his side.  He puffed up, put his angry face on, and shot down the fence at BWK.  Poor BWK was somewhat terrified, and frankly you would be too if an angry brown puffball three times your size had you bailed up in a corner.  I got there just as Basil was about to chase BWK across the road, nabbed him and let BWK speed off into the distance.  I praised Basil lots while Zari huffed and puffed from within the courtyard, clearly angry that she wasn't able to join the fun.

We hoped that BWK would return to stealing other cats' food instead of harassing our two.

But today BWK returned.  I opened the front door to wheel the pram out (Alex and I were off for a walk) and BWK was right on the doorstep!  The nerve!!  Zari spotted him first and bolted out the door before I could stop her.  There was a hiss and a spit and a black, white and grey blur bolted up the fence and across the road.  Again I found myself chasing angry cats, catching up to them while they were staring each other down across the street.  I grabbed puffy crab-walking Zari and brought her back.  I praised Zari lots while Basil huffed and puffed and...well...Basil was still inside sniffing the pram, seemingly oblivious to what had just happened.

I am Zari, hear me roar.