Cats make great pets! *shifty eyes*

So I was sorting out our filing cabinet stuff yesterday (yes, after we moved it all here) and found the note that came with our two darling felines.  I read it to Nev.  He laughed.  A lot.  Then suggested I go through and bold all of the FILTHY LIES it contains.  So here goes…

Hi there,
I am your new Ragdoll kitten.  If you feed me and if you look after me like my mum and dad have, I will give you lots of enjoyable moments. 
I like to eat cooked fish, minced meat, raw meat (not cut too small, I need something to chew on), cooked chicken and now and again chopped up potatoes and pumpkin placed on top of my tinned food.  I need only water.
I also like Chef tinned kitten food and Iam's kitten biscuits.  I could be started on Chef adult food but must only be given a little at a time mixed in with my kitten food, too much at once could give me the runs and we don't want that, do we?
Please also make sure that you leave the toilet seat lid down as I might like a swim and I am not a good swimmer.  Also, I would like you to make sure all stove elements are off when not in use or unattended as I could burn myself badly.
As I am a very clean kitten and well toilet trained I would like it if I could please have 2 litter trays at my disposal.
I come to you in the best of health.  My mum and dad guarantee this.  I have had my 2 injections, have been desexed, wormed and defleaed, but will still need further worming and deflating during the year.
Should you feel that at any time you can no longer love or care for me, would you please ring my mum and dad.  They will gladly take me back and find me another loving home to go to.  My mum and dad will refund you the full purchase price or replace me with another kitten should you find me to be defective in any way which is found to be not of your doing.  This is for a period of 6 months from possession day.  
P.S.  If you value your furniture it would be a good idea to buy me a scratcher.

There is an ongoing debate as to whether "I will give you lots of enjoyable moments" is a filthy lie or not. 

And to be fair, Zari will at least eat raw meat and cooked chicken quite happily.  But damn did she ever pretend like she had never eaten Chef kitten food - and how dare we insult her by dishing it up when we brought her home.  And vegetables?  HA!  Though she did grow out of making a mess of herself whenever she went to the toilet.  Basil did not…

Finally, Nev would also like to know if 6 years is too late to return Basil.  His brain is clearly defective.